Flashback: 1999

September 17, 2009

Well well well.

I will be turning 29 this week.  I received a very curious piece of mail earlier this year (February) from my old Youth Group co-coordinators.   I don’t remember doing this activity AT ALL, but here it is.  When we were all 18-ish and graduating High School soon, we were asked to predict where we’d be in 10 years for everyone else (and write a little message to our ten year’s older selves).  It showed up in the mail recently and I’d like to share the results with you  (I’ll block out the names, and score them on accuracy):

From M****:

Brian: Very important, famous job.  Moved to a really remote part of the country.  Very well off.  Not married.

M**** scores 1 point for accurately guessing I would not be married.


From B****:

Brian: You are married and loving life. You have 1 child whom you adore.  Your job keeps you busy but you are successful.  Good luck! Love, B****

B**** scores 1 point for saying that my job keeps me busy

From S****:

You’re a really successful guy… having a good time with life .. probably a reporter for a big newspaper.  You live in the city.  Good Luck! Love S****

S**** scores 2.5 points for saying I’m having a good time with life, I live in the city, and I “report” which I’ll translate as “blog” for half a point.

From JA****:

Hi Buddy.  It’s fun living with you. -J****

J**** scores .5 points in that I am still his buddy.

From BR****:

*Married to _ _ _ _ _  (my girlfriend at the time)

*Drunkard

*Sleepin’ w/ girls left and right

*director

BR**** scores 2 points.

From Anonymous #1: (girl’s writing)

Hey in 5 or 6 years I think you’ll be as cute as you are now!  Hope you’re happy

Anonymous #1  scores 2 points.  Five or six  years from 1999 was 2005, at which point I was cute — correct.  Also… drama!?!?!?!

From Anonymous #2: (guy’s writing)

I love you, Bri-guy.  You will be a successful suit with a big ole’ fam and a great job.

Anonymous #2 scores -3 points. (Also, to note, I don’t think “suit” was derogatory in 1999).

From JD****

Brian will be a successful businessman.  He will be involved with communications or advertising and thinking up slogans and sayings for advertisements.  You will be happy a when you return to Drexel (note: my old street) you’ll always be happy & remember your childhood. Best of luck!

JD gets 3 points because being in business and communications and advertising is prettymuch what I do.  I have realized though, that the odds of me “returning” to my home street are low …  I grew up in a pretty swell neighborhood and I don’t envision being able to afford now.

From A****

Brian will be a movie critic, take Siskel’s place on the show.  Watch our for _ _ _ _ .  ❤ A****

Ha! A*** gets 1 point because I should’ve watched out for _ _ _ _ _.

Anyway.  That was fun.  Oh, 1999.  I’m going to go break out Hello Nasty and reminisce.   Oh, and here’s my note to myself:

Hey Gorgeous!  Lookin’ Good.

Feb 28 1999

Height: 5’11”

Weight: 130   (note: ha!  what?! scary)

Goals: film studies? journalism?

Hopes: To keep my friends. Positive self-image (note:  also funny)

Favorite CD: Elliot Smith [sic]

Favorite Film: Swingers

ARE YOU DOING WHAT YOU WANT TO DO?


The Drew Peterson Date Material Test

December 17, 2008

Please take the test below to see if you could be compatible with Drew Peterson.  If your answer to the question is “yes”, “maybe”, or “depends”, please move down to the next question.  If your answer is “no”, you are not a good fit for Drew Peterson:

  • Would you date?
  • Would you date a man?
  • Would you date a man who is a police officer?
  • Would you date a man who lives in the Chicago suburbs?
  • Would you date a man who is a police officer in the suburbs?

Congrats.  You have passed Stage One of the Drew Peterson Funnel (DPF).  You are now considered: An Eligible Bachelorette

  • Would you date a man who is over twice your age?
  • Would you date a man who exclusively dates people 30+ years younger?
  • Would you date a man who sits around in bars?
  • Would you date a man who has been divorced?
  • Would you date a man who is overweight?

Yep..  You have passed Stage Two of the DPF.  You are now considered: Open-Minded

  • Would you date a narcissist?
  • Would you date a man who has kids from a previous marriage?
  • Would you date a man who drinks excessively?
  • Would you date a man who has left two wives?
  • Would you date a man who has left three wives?
  • Would you date a man who has left four wives?

Nice.  You have passed Stage Three of the DPF.  You are now considered: Slightly Confused

  • Would you date a man that, in some circles, is considered infamous?
  • Would you date a man who has been fired from his police force for misconduct?
  • Would you date a man who has been accused of police brutality?
  • Would you date a man who, in some circles, would be considered a sociopath?
  • Would you date a man who has a history of domestic battery?

Hmmm.  You have passed Stage Four of the DPF.  You are now considered: A Bad-Boy Aficionado

  • Would you date a man who exploits personal tragedy for moderate fame?
  • Would you date a man who hits the talk show circuit immediately after his wife has disappeared?
  • Would you date a man who begins dating a few months after his wife has disappeared?
  • Would you date a man who taunts bereaved families by using the death of their daughter/friend as a bizarre ploy to date younger women via a radio show promotion?
  • Are you an O.J. sympathiser?

 Hmmm.  You have passed Stage Five of the DPF.  You are now considered: Amber Alert Worthy 

  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his wife?
  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his wife by drowning her in a bathtub and using his position in the police force as a means to cover it up?
  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering two of his wives?
  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his second wife, stuffing her in a barrel, manipulating his stepbrother in assisting of it’s disposal,  whose grief then drives the step brother to attempt suicide days after the wife’s disappearance?

Huzzah!  You have passed Stage Six of the DPF.  You are now considered: Drew Peterson Date Material!

Unfortunately, Mr. Peterson has recently announced his engagement to an anonymous 23-year old girl who, God willing, will soon become Drew’s 6th wife.  Sorry Gals.  We wish them luck, but, don’t give your hopes up… Drew will probably be available again in the forseeable future… roughly 2010 or so.


End of List Year List Best-Of List List

December 1, 2008

NOT YET!!!!  There’s like, 30 days left in the year — who’s to say the blogovironment won’t blow their (impotent?) loads over something else within the next few days.  Here’s to speculating!

So, that’s coming, and I’d have to reccomend that you go here and share your ever-so-valid yet undoubtedly populist opinion:

(and while at it, maybe vote for me maybe?)