The Drew Peterson Date Material Test

Please take the test below to see if you could be compatible with Drew Peterson.  If your answer to the question is “yes”, “maybe”, or “depends”, please move down to the next question.  If your answer is “no”, you are not a good fit for Drew Peterson:

  • Would you date?
  • Would you date a man?
  • Would you date a man who is a police officer?
  • Would you date a man who lives in the Chicago suburbs?
  • Would you date a man who is a police officer in the suburbs?

Congrats.  You have passed Stage One of the Drew Peterson Funnel (DPF).  You are now considered: An Eligible Bachelorette

  • Would you date a man who is over twice your age?
  • Would you date a man who exclusively dates people 30+ years younger?
  • Would you date a man who sits around in bars?
  • Would you date a man who has been divorced?
  • Would you date a man who is overweight?

Yep..  You have passed Stage Two of the DPF.  You are now considered: Open-Minded

  • Would you date a narcissist?
  • Would you date a man who has kids from a previous marriage?
  • Would you date a man who drinks excessively?
  • Would you date a man who has left two wives?
  • Would you date a man who has left three wives?
  • Would you date a man who has left four wives?

Nice.  You have passed Stage Three of the DPF.  You are now considered: Slightly Confused

  • Would you date a man that, in some circles, is considered infamous?
  • Would you date a man who has been fired from his police force for misconduct?
  • Would you date a man who has been accused of police brutality?
  • Would you date a man who, in some circles, would be considered a sociopath?
  • Would you date a man who has a history of domestic battery?

Hmmm.  You have passed Stage Four of the DPF.  You are now considered: A Bad-Boy Aficionado

  • Would you date a man who exploits personal tragedy for moderate fame?
  • Would you date a man who hits the talk show circuit immediately after his wife has disappeared?
  • Would you date a man who begins dating a few months after his wife has disappeared?
  • Would you date a man who taunts bereaved families by using the death of their daughter/friend as a bizarre ploy to date younger women via a radio show promotion?
  • Are you an O.J. sympathiser?

 Hmmm.  You have passed Stage Five of the DPF.  You are now considered: Amber Alert Worthy 

  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his wife?
  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his wife by drowning her in a bathtub and using his position in the police force as a means to cover it up?
  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering two of his wives?
  • Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his second wife, stuffing her in a barrel, manipulating his stepbrother in assisting of it’s disposal,  whose grief then drives the step brother to attempt suicide days after the wife’s disappearance?

Huzzah!  You have passed Stage Six of the DPF.  You are now considered: Drew Peterson Date Material!

Unfortunately, Mr. Peterson has recently announced his engagement to an anonymous 23-year old girl who, God willing, will soon become Drew’s 6th wife.  Sorry Gals.  We wish them luck, but, don’t give your hopes up… Drew will probably be available again in the forseeable future… roughly 2010 or so.

Advertisements

One Response to The Drew Peterson Date Material Test

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: