Please take the test below to see if you could be compatible with Drew Peterson. If your answer to the question is “yes”, “maybe”, or ”depends”, please move down to the next question. If your answer is “no”, you are not a good fit for Drew Peterson:
Would you date?
Would you date a man?
Would you date a man who is a police officer?
Would you date a man who lives in the Chicago suburbs?
Would you date a man who is a police officer in the suburbs?
Congrats. You have passed Stage One of the Drew Peterson Funnel (DPF). You are now considered: An Eligible Bachelorette
Would you date a man who is over twice your age?
Would you date a man who exclusively dates people 30+ years younger?
Would you date a man who sits around in bars?
Would you date a man who has been divorced?
Would you date a man who is overweight?
Yep.. You have passed Stage Two of the DPF. You are now considered: Open-Minded
Would you date a narcissist?
Would you date a man who has kids from a previous marriage?
Would you date a man who drinks excessively?
Would you date a man who has left two wives?
Would you date a man who has left three wives?
Would you date a man who has left four wives?
Nice. You have passed Stage Three of the DPF. You are now considered: Slightly Confused
Would you date a man that, in some circles, is considered infamous?
Would you date a man who has been fired from his police force for misconduct?
Would you date a man who has been accused of police brutality?
Would you date a man who, in some circles, would be considered a sociopath?
Would you date a man who has a history of domestic battery?
Hmmm. You have passed Stage Four of the DPF. You are now considered: A Bad-Boy Aficionado
Would you date a man who exploits personal tragedy for moderate fame?
Would you date a man who hits the talk show circuit immediately after his wife has disappeared?
Would you date a man who begins dating a few months after his wife has disappeared?
Would you date a man who taunts bereaved families by using the death of their daughter/friend as a bizarre ploy to date younger women via a radio show promotion?
Are you an O.J. sympathiser?
Hmmm. You have passed Stage Five of the DPF. You are now considered: Amber Alert Worthy
Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his wife?
Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his wife by drowning her in a bathtub and using his position in the police force as a means to cover it up?
Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering two of his wives?
Would you date a man who is, in some circles, suspected of murdering his second wife, stuffing her in a barrel, manipulating his stepbrother in assisting of it’s disposal, whose grief then drives the step brother to attempt suicide days after the wife’s disappearance?
Huzzah! You have passed Stage Six of the DPF. You are now considered: Drew Peterson Date Material!
Unfortunately, Mr. Peterson has recently announced his engagement to an anonymous 23-year old girl who, God willing, will soon become Drew’s 6th wife. Sorry Gals. We wish them luck, but, don’t give your hopes up… Drew will probably be available again in the forseeable future… roughly 2010 or so.
In their ongoing efforts to become a “non-typical” venue for the arts, The Viaduct Theatre on Western Ave has been hosting an exhibit called “Exquisite City“… a play off of the art game “Exquisite Copse” in which different artists depict parts of a body without seeing the whole — E.C. invited artists from across the city to depict their view of the city completely in cardboard, and then compile them together as individual, miniature city blocks. Lots of great work, including from one of my favorite poster artists Dan Grzeca, musician/artists collaborator Sally Timms and TONS of others.
The finished product of Exquisite City is very interesting… some abstract, some apolcolyptic, some detailed down to sidewalk curbs and little dramas taking place in little aprtment windows… wonderful stuff.
I’ll upload more photo’s later, but here’s an impressive foot-tall appropration of The Hideout:
Using the term “versus” denotes that one team plays another, I should change this headline to “Packers Pwnd Bears”
My God, my brain cannot function in ways to comprehend how badly the Bears were beaten yesterday. In a 37-3 route, the Pack CRUSHED the Bears in every possible way. As my frontal lobe cannot put together words, I’ll just copy-and-paste some comments in email conversation I had this morning with friends from both Chicago and *gasp* Wisconsin
On behalf of the Packers, I apologize… I didn’t expect that and I won’t gloat, beyond the SCOTT STAPP text I sent.
You gotta give the Pack credit for playing a great game all-around, and running 200+ on a team that usually “shuts down” the run.
That was the most pathetic Bears game I’ve ever seen. (Well, recently)
I missed Rex Grossman’s magic
I did see Mike Brown’s hit on Ryan Grant. I was surprised Grant was able to come back in the game, it looked monster
Did you see the Slo-Mo of Grossman warming up and the ball flipping backwards out of his hand?!?! Hilarious!
I say for the remainder of the season, STAY with the run-stopping… make teams beat you through the air. We may be one-dimensional, but as of last week our one-dimension had us leading the division with our only losses coming to two division leaders (one undefeated), and two playoff-bound teams – all of which by a touchdown or less
That’s a good point…Even the first game against the Colts was against a very rusty Manning.
I think as much as the defense is regressing, the offense needs to do something. Either Orton’s ankle is still bum or Grossman is watching game tape from the early 00′s Bears and boycotting passes longer than 10 yards.
Shoop time baby!
Orton’s definitely still hurt (sidenote: the Aaron Kampman cheap-shot didn’t help)… maybe 70%.
Was Kampman’s hit late? I only a saw a replay of it, but I couldn’t tell if he was diving for Orton and hit his ankle or if Orton hurt his ankle again when he was trying to move away from Kampma
The ball was well out of Kyle Orton’s hand, the play was over and Kampman was on the ground… and he reached AROUND Orton’s good leg to get a shot at the bad one. I’m trying to find video.
Ew. That sounds like a fine to me!
The Bears were just lousy. I don’t mind (as much) losing a well-fought game, but that was just embarrassing.
If you listened to the radio last night, oh man, people were pissed.
It turns out that the Bears defense IS terrible, and the whole “good at stopping the run” thing was just a way of hiding the fact our entire defense is subpar.
We could “stack the box” against teams with average QBs (Matt Ryan, Kerry Collins, Gus Ferotte, effing Dan Orlovsky) but when you play a team with good WRs and a good QB like the Packers, we had to play honest, and it really showed how fucking miserable this teams defense is.
The crazy thing is that we were all oblivious to how bad the team was, when ALL those teams with mediocre/rookie QBs – Falcons, Titans, Vikings, Lions were all throwing well against us, even though only two wound up being losses.
(Originally posted last February on the UR Chicago site but no longer accessible. I had to save my baby).
Can you believe it’s been nearly a decade since Office Space? That’s roughly 36 financial quarters of bad Lumberg impressions and Swingline stapler jokes. The unforeseen longevity of a movie like Office Space -– a cynical look at corporate drones — stuck with the American audience long after its theatre run. Though the defining modern corporate farce is getting old, it seems like “life at the office” has become an increasingly prevalent touchstone. A new breed of unflinching, cynical, critical, tragi-comic and sometimes downright depressing office themed productions have hit a cultural nerve.
There have always been the silly corporate comedies and hyper-real farces a-la Office Space, Dilbert, and (can I throw in) Fred Savage’s short-lived Working, but it seems the new crop of pop-culture corporate landscapes have a biting, sad, desperate underpinning. What’s the deal?
The obvious jumping-off point is NBC’s excellent adaptation of The Office — a satire that turns a documentary-style camera on the lives of paper salespeople in first-world Nowheresville. It’s a show that’s both funny and melancholy — simultaneously hilarious and hitting a little too close to home. You’ve also got the inanity of Carpoolers, a silly single-cam show that’s the brainchild of Kids In the Hall graduate Bruce McCulloch. If you flash back 50 years and add some slick suits, the politics, binge drinking and philandering could easily be that of the sloganeering Madison Ave execs of AMC’s period drama Mad Men.
Elsewhere in the business world, author Matthew Beaumont documents the hilarity of London’s fictional Miller-Shanks office in a story told strictly through exchanged e-mail in e. If the U.K. doesn’t hit close enough to home, local cube dweller Joshua Ferris is getting stellar reviews for Then We Came to the End, a wry comedic novel chronicling the dismantling of a Chicago ad agency.
Of course, I can’t get too far into an office-themed blog without mentioning OFFICE, the group of former Chicago worker bees who produced a killer EP, quit their day jobs, and now professionally churn out bouncy pop tracks with some seriously sardonic underpinnings. Elsewhere in the music world there’s been a huge response to the National’s CD, Boxer. The album, with equal parts charm and anxiety, chronicles the Willy Loman-esque slide of a modern corporate worker into a nostalgic shut-in.
So if popular music, books and television are meant as means of escapism, what’s to say for an audience that’s developed an interest in fictionalized versions of working stiffs? Is the emergence of corporate-themed amusements just a mere coincidence, a blip on the radar, or a hint of more to come? Whatever the explanation, the subject matter has resonance and the writing is good, so I will continue to ignore the inherent irony of hanging around the office every week to talk about The Office.
As much as Chicago likes to tout its greenness I was very saddened this morning to walk to my El Stop and see that our fine city workers in the “City That Works” cut down all the trees on the plaza. Granted, it wasn’t the prettiest of grottos but it was nice to have some greenery around. What gives?
I only now regret not taking a good summery picture of them, because as I peruse Flickr (google maps) there’s really not a good photo. There are some great photos of the EL Stop, just not of the trees. Ah well… enjoy what once was:
To follow up on my previous volcano! post, the Chicago boys will be leaving The States for a massive euro tour later this month, but will be doing an in-store at Reckless Records in Wicker Park this Sunday (10/5), at 4pm… the free set should perfectly complement the Bears Victory Afterglow this weekend promises.
last US volcano[!] show for 2 months – this Sunday 10/5
Mon 11:42pm
hey everybody….one last show before the European tour – this Sunday 10/5 at Reckless Records at 1532 N. Milwaukee Ave. Early show – starts at 4pm. would be great to see you. because otherwise its gonna be really awkward just us blasting away some awkward record store clerks.
The tragedy being, this band was BUILT as a fine-tuned Awkward Record Store Clerk machine! In addition, if you’re curious how Aaron The Facebooking Headsinger looks without pants… curiosity: satisfied!
this video, as you will plainly see, consists of me running around a park in the rain in underwear and singing. that’s the jist. plus some super powers.
the video is for our new single “Africa Just Wants to Have Fun” off our new LP “Paperwork”….it was volunteer directed by our awesome friends Pat Meegan & Peter Galassi
we’ll have some new live video up on the channel as well very soon
hope you like it
aaron
-volcano!
If you’re curious, the Leaf label page has their Fall Tour itinerary posted, where they’ll even do some shows with Xiu Xiu, Daniel Higgs, and Why?… a good ecclectic buncha bands:
Wed 15 Oct 2008: Debaser, Malmö, SWEDEN
Thu 16 Oct 2008: Pusterviksbaren, Gothenburg, SWEDEN
Fri 17 Oct 2008: Revolver, Oslo, NORWAY
Sat 18 Oct 2008: Debaser Slussen, Stockholm, SWEDEN
Sun 19 Oct 2008: Loppen, Copenhagen, DENMARK (with Xiu Xiu)
Tue 21 Oct 2008: Lido, Berlin, GERMANY (with Xiu Xiu)
Wed 22 Oct 2008: Asta Kneipe, Rosenheim, GERMANY
Fri 24 Oct 2008: Ortosonico, Giussago, ITALY
Sat 25 Oct 2008: Interzona, Verona, ITALY
Wed 29 Oct 2008: La Fleche D’Or, Pairs, FRANCE
Thu 30 Oct 2008: Soy Festival, Nantes, FRANCE
Fri 31 Oct 2008: UBU, Rennes, FRANCE (with Fuck Buttons)
Mon 3 Nov 2008: Paradiso (upstairs), Amsterdam, NETHERLANDS
Tue 4 Nov 2008: De Kreun, Kortrijk, BELGIUM (with Daniel Higgs)
Wed 5 Nov 2008: Botanique, Brussels, BELGIUM (with Why?)
Fri 7 Nov 2008: The Fox & Firkin, London, UK
Sat 8 Nov 2008: Korova, Liverpool, UK
Sun 9 Nov 2008: The Roadhouse, Manchester, UK
Mon 10 Nov 2008: The Arches, Glasgow, UK
Tue 11 Nov 2008: The Tunnels, Aberdeen, UK
Thu 13 Nov 2008: Bodega Social Club, Nottingham, UK
Fri 14 Nov 2008: SWN Festival, Clwb Ifor Bach, Cardiff, UK
Sat 15 Nov 2008: The Gander, Bournemouth, UK
Sun 16 Nov 2008: Portland Arms, Cambridge, UK
Mon 17 Nov 2008: Hoxton Bar & Kitchen, London, UK
Tue 18 Nov 2008: Brudenell Social Club, Leeds, UK
Wed 19 Nov 2008: Whelans (upstairs), Dublin, IRELAND
Thu 20 Nov 2008: Roisin Dubh, Galway, IRELAND
Lying dormant for nearly three years, experimental rock trio volcano! (note the lowercase “v”) has recently released their second LP, Paperwork. Their much-acclaimed debut album Beautiful Seizure, released by UK label Leaf, was met in late 2005 with enthusiastic acclaim here and abroad (scoring them an early appearence on oft-imitated music performance site La Blogotheque). The debut album shook; not just the pavement, but the pervading stigma that “art rock” bands can only be one thing or the other – art or rock. volcano!’s sound rectifies this disparity—simultaneously heady and accessible, intricate and forceful, ethereal and dynamic.
volcano!’s fluid creations can shift from jagged guitar squall to delicate instrumentals backed by the atmospherics of multi-instrumentalist Mark Cartwright, their song’s pop structures can quickly devolve into poly-rhythmic improvisation care of percussionist Sam Scranton. Meanwhile, vocalist/guitarist Aaron With always seems to have a trick up his sleeve, with a lyrical range that wheels from mischievous wordplay, to urgent exclamation to staccato abstraction—often in the same track.
Paperwork is its own little bundle of surprises, as the hilariously titled “Africa Just Wants to Have Fun,” bounces and jabs at celebrity-turned-philanthropists with a nod to guitar-led Afropop—both of which seem all the rage these days. The album has a bunch more surprises and creative twists, with Scranton mentioning a load of diverse influences from track-to-track, including the otherworldly psych-pop of Animal Collective to the shameless R&B come-ons of R. Kelly.
volcano! returned this August to do their first live show in two years, a CD release party for their new full-length. The Chicago-based band will be playing again this Thursday, 9/25, at The Empty Bottle. Check out a Q&A with percussionist Sam Scranton on the UR Chicago Online Exclusives page.
Well, it’s official, the Chicago Bears website has named Kyle Orton the Bears starting QB for their opening game against the Colts on September 7th.
Although it was obvious that Orton was leading the competition, it was by a fairly slim margin. As ChicagoBears.com reported:
…Orton slightly outperformed Grossman in two preseason games, compiling a better completion percentage (63.2-56.5), yards per attempt average (5.21-5.13) and passer rating (76.4-66.9) while connecting on 12 of 19 passes for 99 yards. Grossman has completed 13 of 23 passes for 118 yards.
Not only are those stats not that great for a starting QB in preseason, but Orton’s not really that far ahead of Grossman — especially considering Grossman has more total yards and less turnovers than Orton. Grossman’s only turnover of the preseason came from being blindsided on a Seattle blitz on Saturday. That said, there’s been WEEKS of practice that must have informed the Bears Coaching Staff decicion.
It was obvious that the two-minute drill that Orton pulled off at the end of the first half against Seattle was impressive, but there’s a few things that bother me.
Firstly, getting a field goal out of a two-minute drill is not always the most difficult thing to pull off. If you’re at the end of a (Preseason) half – it’s possible the defense was playing more prevent-style as the clock ticked away, allowing for Orton to move the ball up the field, but not allow for a touchdown (which you’ll note, is exactly what happened, as a bomb from Orton to Hester was knocked down).
Secondly, the Seahawks blitzed WAY TOO MUCH for a preseason game. Although there’s no rules against it, it is NOT customary to send that many guys at the quarterback in a game that doesn’t even count. How are you supposed to judge Grossman’s sub-par performance if he was fighting off rushes that the Chicago o-line may not have even been prepared for?
I’m definitely not the only one that felt this way. Reporting for ESPN NFC West page, Mike Sando said the same thing…
The Seahawks blitzed far more than usual for an exhibition game … Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton have not looked good tonight, but it’s tough to function in the preseason when the opposing defense is sending three blitzers at a time. It’s not like the Bears were game-planning for it.
The unrelenting blitzes makes me wonder, was Seattle deliberately trying to mess up our QB controversy? Is this some weird pay-back for a 2-year old playoff loss that I’ve forgotten about until now? Those questions tend to blame Seattle for playing good football, so my other question would have to be directed towards Bears Offensive Coordinator Ron Turner, who commented that Seattle blitzing was…
…something we have to deal with. We expected it. We anticipated it. They didn’t come with that much pressure last week, but when they played us last year they did. We anticipated that we would see that much pressure. It’s something you have to handle. When a team brings pressure like that you have to look at it as an opportunity to make a play. We have handled it well and we will handle it well.
Handled it well? Um, no. So, question one: Because there is a QB contest going on, were you unwilling to change the offensive gameplan despite the unrelenting blitzes? It would make sense to start running draws, screens, quick slants etc, to nullify the blitz, but those sort of plays don’t exactly showcase what Rex would need to do to impress anyone.
Ah well. Preseason Week 3 means Orton will get nearly two-thirds of the game to showcase what he can do, and is there a better confidence-building team than the lowly Niners? Probably not.
I promised myself I wouldn’t do Lolla this year (after doing all three days the last two years), but dammit, they really do book a fucking awesome show. And the sheer size of the event allows C3 to hedge their band bets: covering all the bases just by booking every band in the entire universe to play in Chicago on one weekend. (Note to self: Buy PBR now before the entire town runs dry).
Thankfully, I’m able to volunteer this year, which means I miss a bit of the middle-shows, but I’m seeing what I can for free-ninety-nine.
Here would be my recco/wish-list of who to see today:
Anything before Noon: I have no idea, so, go crazy.
Holy Fuck: Should be fun. Band was made to play live, and they’re damn entertaining. Also, maybe they’ll play their mix of the Radiohead’s “Nude” they entered in that contest.
Rogue Wave: I hear they’re actually not that great live, but c’mon. How cool would it be to hear ”Lake Michigan” right next to Lake Michigan?
Yeasayer: Why not?
Tiny Masters of Today: Badass little kids. CSS, Karen O., and !!! love them, so why can’t you. What thread connects all these bands – the fact that their lyrics are terrible but it doesn’t matter.
The Black Keys / Golgol Bordello: Meh. This might be a good time to take a late lunch. These are definitely the two bands you should prolly see, but I’m not particularly a huge fan of either. Do you prefer your rock bluesy or gypsy-y?
Mates of State: Adorable
Grizzly Bear: A swell combo of pretty and creepy. Pretty Creepy. And a bit Sleepy. If you’re not up for this, I’d recco heading straight over to…
VHS or Beta DJ Set: VHS or Beta played a REALLY good live Lolla set two year back, but now they’re just here to DJ, which is a bummer. That said, there’s plenty of Robert Smith-leads-a-dance-punk-bands these days. 20$ they play Cut Copy.
The Cool Kids / CSS: Can’t really go wrong here, but CSS will probably be the most entertaining, but then again, Chicago Party Rap is the new Brazilian Electro Pop.
While I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve recently fell in love with Tumblr, and it’s ability to post cell phone pictures, there’s something creepy and slightly obnoxious going on over R.O.C.K. on the CTA.
Sadly, the poor taste only begins with what I’m assuming is a John Mellencamp song reference.
Here’s the gist of what RotCTA does — “David Rockwell” takes covert cellphone pictures of people on Chicago Transit Authority trains and buses (they also accept submissions from others at ROCKontheCTA@gmail.com) and then posts them for the world to see. David describes his blog thusly:
a somewhat snarky, sometimes cranky, borderline stalker-y view of the world from my seat on the bus. No offense meant to anyone.. all of these stories are just made up. I really know nothing about you. And I care even less. I love watching the urbanites as they do their daily dance along the train tracks and bus routes…They make me happy. And sleepy.
Borderline stalker-y indeed. It all seems harmless, but the site irks me for the following reasons:
They are rarely that funny
They are more likely to be mean-spirited and petty
Their idea of a “hunk” is any dude dressed business-casual
Their idea of a stylish or cute girl is a trixie dressed business-casual
As you’d expect, photos are taken almost exclusively on the northside brown line and red line.
If you’re on the CTA and you’re old, overweight, asleep, not cool looking, or a minority; prepare to be ridiculed anonymously. Otherwise keep using public transportation in Lakeview and you might just become famous — if you wanted to or not.
Posted by BDazzle 
The Drew Peterson Date Material Test
December 17, 2008Please take the test below to see if you could be compatible with Drew Peterson. If your answer to the question is “yes”, “maybe”, or ”depends”, please move down to the next question. If your answer is “no”, you are not a good fit for Drew Peterson:
Congrats. You have passed Stage One of the Drew Peterson Funnel (DPF). You are now considered: An Eligible Bachelorette
Yep.. You have passed Stage Two of the DPF. You are now considered: Open-Minded
Nice. You have passed Stage Three of the DPF. You are now considered: Slightly Confused
Hmmm. You have passed Stage Four of the DPF. You are now considered: A Bad-Boy Aficionado
Hmmm. You have passed Stage Five of the DPF. You are now considered: Amber Alert Worthy
Huzzah! You have passed Stage Six of the DPF. You are now considered: Drew Peterson Date Material!
Unfortunately, Mr. Peterson has recently announced his engagement to an anonymous 23-year old girl who, God willing, will soon become Drew’s 6th wife. Sorry Gals. We wish them luck, but, don’t give your hopes up… Drew will probably be available again in the forseeable future… roughly 2010 or so.